C-O-N-F-I-D-E-N-T

Something I've been lacking recently is confidence. It's almost impossible to like what I see in the mirror at home or in a dressing room while trying on clothes. It's hard to look at myself and say "Wow I look good in this!" It's become hard for me to take pictures with friends or of myself because I'm scared of how I'll look in it. I often catch myself thinking, "what if I looked like..." Whoever it may be, it's never myself. Some days it's one girl and others it's a completely different girl. A lot of girls, in their teens especially, have total lack in the way they look and I've come to a conclusion.

In life, we are all meant to be different.

There are no two of YOU. There is one. You are your own person. You take control of your own life. I've realized that the reason I am so hard on myself is because I've never fully been able to accept myself for who I am. Im a loud, outspoken, smart, bright eyed, curvy girl. And that's exactly what I'm supposed to be. After I realized that, I began to realize something else. I've never tried to change myself for me, it's always been in the hands of someone else. From my parents to the boy I saw at the mall one time 3 years ago that glanced at me then looked away (and I thought this meant he thought I was fat and ugly).

When I really sat down and thought about it I realized that my big personality and my beliefs were something that I actually loved. I began writing things down that at first glance I thought were flaws and I started forcing myself to find qualities in them that made me, me. Journaling has really helped me begin to see the beauty not only in myself but the world around me as well. By writing down the little things that make me smile or the song that made everything feel ok, Ive started smiling a little more when I find those things. I've stopped looking at the negative in everything and have finally began starting to see the beauty there is to offer. It's not going to change how I feel over night, and probably won't change in a month but it's a start.

I encourage you all to try and write every night a small paragraph of what is on your mind. Get it off your chest. It's a liberating feeling- trust me. Write down what one song made you feel that day. Sometimes I list out what I ate and then decide what is one thing that I wont eat anymore to improve my well being. Right now its meat, next may be milk.

Journaling has made me feel more connected with myself. It makes me happy to get into my cozy bed, pull out my journal and write at the end of each day. It has helped clear my mind of all the negitivity floating around in it. It saves a lot more room for useful things.